The Condom Conundrum

Posted on March 3, 2011 by


To Condom or Not to Condom: A very serious question!

By Bro. Mxolisi

One February 7, 2011 entry on the Grio internet news network addressed several “myths” related to sexual practices in this environment of sexually transmitted disease dangers. Number 12 was this one:  Not using a condom shows that you really love and trust your partner.

C’mon, let’s get real. With African American’s comprising only 14% of U.S. population but 50% (and rising) of new HIV infections (not to mention other STD’s), failure to use a condom only proves that you are a weakling under the heat and/or  pressure of a lustful situation; that you are willing to “Russian Roulette” yourself into the agonies of becoming a life-long carrier of the HIV virus, a candidate for full-blown AIDS, and a living-breathing-walking-talking threat to the well-being of anyone you might choose to engage in such an encounter.

While we know that there is a desirable level of intimacy and ecstasy to be experienced in “raw” sex (condom-less connections), we also need to know that such encounters should be reserved for those who are “time and tested certain” about one another’s HIV/STD status. Condom-less encounters are for those who:

  • have had enough time and experience with each other to trust that sexual intercourse with other persons is not occurring with either of you;
  • take the necessary time (as much as 6 months) to be sure of one another’s HIV status via clinical test results (which you show to one another), while you let your mutual love, trust and commitment grow.

Until then, if the two of you should decide that sexual intercourse is to be done, be as safe as possible — use a condom every time, without deviation or compromise. Use a fresh condom for each new round of penetration leading to a male orgasm. Be careful and thorough to ensure that bodily fluids do not pass from one to the other.

With divorce taking place at such an astronomical rate among the African American population, this message is of particular importance to those who are newly-divorced and getting back into the pursuit of intimate companionship. For statistics show that those who are in this category tend to be less aware and cautious regarding the HIV/AIDS epidemic threat as they quest for new relationships — as a result of the mind-sets they developed while in the monogamous realities of marriage. But we need to be crystal clear that the warnings regarding condom-less sexual intercourse are for everyone not involved in a “time and tested” relationship, regardless of age, gender or former marital status. Better look – at the HIV test results — before you leap into condom-less connections.

Check out this video:

Visit for the rest of the “myths.”